Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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