nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
