dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
