At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
