Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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