turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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