The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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