Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
don't judge my taste in strippers
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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