don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
