i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
whose parrot is this?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
