I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
