He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
