no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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