I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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