GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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