she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
