There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
