I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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