apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
