Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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