I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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