Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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