Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
