The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
