Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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