I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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