3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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