we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
