There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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