it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
