Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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