look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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