Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
