I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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