HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
