I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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