Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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