I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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