So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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