i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
