i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
