I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
