that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
