I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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