dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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