Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
