You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
