i jhust puked up my retainher.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
