Screwed.edu
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
