Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
