I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
