I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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