we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
