I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
