so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
