why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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